2011 Reflections

I don't often reflect on years as a whole. Something about looking back at an entire year is a little overwhelming to me, but since years seem to fly by as we get older, I have spent the past week or so doing some "yearly reflecting." It actually takes me to time to reflect ("reflect" is such a earthy/counseling/yoga word, I know, but I'm using it). 

I don't think I instantly remember things like most people. Like when someone asks me how our weekend was, I am usually totally unprepared to answer that because it takes me like 5 minutes to remember what we did. 

But... If I'm being totally honest about this year (and you know I will be!), our circumstances in 2011 have been pretty challenging. I feel like I was constantly asking for prayer, and probably could have asked for prayer for like twice the things I did. Sometimes it was small but frustrating things, other times it was big and devastating things. We cried, we got mad, we laughed, we prayed, we talked, and we dealt with everything the best we knew how. I've alluded to this before, but I'll do it again because I feel it even more now at the end of the year...

This suffering has been different. 

Not different like we enjoy it, but different like God has given us His perspective and peace in the midst of it. He has taught us how to just be sad, how to just be angry, how to just cry out to Him, stomp our feet and tell Him how unfair we think life is sometimes. I feel like I can be honest before God like I didn't used to know how to do, and there is freedom in that.

The trials that 2011 have brought have not taken away our joy because our joy is not based in our circumstances. Our joy is not based in our children or in our families or in our homes or our cars or our money or our friends. Our joy is found in Him. And since He does not change, our joy is unwavering.

Please don't get me wrong. I am not saying I always feel joyful. We don't skip through fields of daisies holding hands and thanking the Lord for these amazing trials. We cry and we get mad and we ask questions. (And I still let "the thing that is not the thing" take over in me!) At times I want to run away from God when things get hard instead of running to Him. But then I remember the overwhelming peace and understanding I gain from spending time with Him. There is just no shortcut to true peace and understanding.

So yes, underneath the tears and the anger there is a "peace that surpasses all understanding." (Philippians 4:7) I understand that verse more deeply than I used to. How can we have peace when our circumstances are unbearable? Exactly... that is the question of all questions.. it surpasses all understanding. It's from HIM and not of ourselves, so of course it surpasses all understanding. It makes no sense to our finite minds, and that is what makes it beautiful.

Also please don't get me wrong again... in 2011 we have been BLESSED. Blessed beyond belief. I will probably sound trite and repetitive if I try to list all the ways we are blessed, but we know we are and we don't forget that. I'm grateful the Lord has taught me to realize that being blessed and facing trials are not mutually exclusive. Like I said, I actually had to sit down and think about 2011 to realize that we had faced a lot of difficult things. 

I think "God is good" is a phrase that is used so much that we often forget what the words really mean. Something goes our way and we say, "Wow, God is good." Which is true. But sometimes we forget that if things don't go our way God is still good. His goodness doesn't change based on our circumstances. His character doesn't change based on our circumstances... but OURS does. Our character is molded and shaped by His hands (more so through trials, I believe). So maybe that is why He gives us trials to face. Maybe He wants us to come to the point where we realize our humanness, our sinfulness, our inability to "make it" on our own. And maybe, just maybe, we'll even learn this for real... even when we're going through the good times. After all, that is the message of the gospel.

So I go into 2012 praying for fun and laughter and time spent enjoying all of God's blessings, but also praying for joy in whatever comes our way...

I know there'll be days when life brings me pain

but if that's what it takes to praise you

Jesus, bring the rain.

-Mercy Me