2011 Reflections

I don't often reflect on years as a whole. Something about looking back at an entire year is a little overwhelming to me, but since years seem to fly by as we get older, I have spent the past week or so doing some "yearly reflecting." It actually takes me to time to reflect ("reflect" is such a earthy/counseling/yoga word, I know, but I'm using it). 

I don't think I instantly remember things like most people. Like when someone asks me how our weekend was, I am usually totally unprepared to answer that because it takes me like 5 minutes to remember what we did. 

But... If I'm being totally honest about this year (and you know I will be!), our circumstances in 2011 have been pretty challenging. I feel like I was constantly asking for prayer, and probably could have asked for prayer for like twice the things I did. Sometimes it was small but frustrating things, other times it was big and devastating things. We cried, we got mad, we laughed, we prayed, we talked, and we dealt with everything the best we knew how. I've alluded to this before, but I'll do it again because I feel it even more now at the end of the year...

This suffering has been different. 

Not different like we enjoy it, but different like God has given us His perspective and peace in the midst of it. He has taught us how to just be sad, how to just be angry, how to just cry out to Him, stomp our feet and tell Him how unfair we think life is sometimes. I feel like I can be honest before God like I didn't used to know how to do, and there is freedom in that.

The trials that 2011 have brought have not taken away our joy because our joy is not based in our circumstances. Our joy is not based in our children or in our families or in our homes or our cars or our money or our friends. Our joy is found in Him. And since He does not change, our joy is unwavering.

Please don't get me wrong. I am not saying I always feel joyful. We don't skip through fields of daisies holding hands and thanking the Lord for these amazing trials. We cry and we get mad and we ask questions. (And I still let "the thing that is not the thing" take over in me!) At times I want to run away from God when things get hard instead of running to Him. But then I remember the overwhelming peace and understanding I gain from spending time with Him. There is just no shortcut to true peace and understanding.

So yes, underneath the tears and the anger there is a "peace that surpasses all understanding." (Philippians 4:7) I understand that verse more deeply than I used to. How can we have peace when our circumstances are unbearable? Exactly... that is the question of all questions.. it surpasses all understanding. It's from HIM and not of ourselves, so of course it surpasses all understanding. It makes no sense to our finite minds, and that is what makes it beautiful.

Also please don't get me wrong again... in 2011 we have been BLESSED. Blessed beyond belief. I will probably sound trite and repetitive if I try to list all the ways we are blessed, but we know we are and we don't forget that. I'm grateful the Lord has taught me to realize that being blessed and facing trials are not mutually exclusive. Like I said, I actually had to sit down and think about 2011 to realize that we had faced a lot of difficult things. 

I think "God is good" is a phrase that is used so much that we often forget what the words really mean. Something goes our way and we say, "Wow, God is good." Which is true. But sometimes we forget that if things don't go our way God is still good. His goodness doesn't change based on our circumstances. His character doesn't change based on our circumstances... but OURS does. Our character is molded and shaped by His hands (more so through trials, I believe). So maybe that is why He gives us trials to face. Maybe He wants us to come to the point where we realize our humanness, our sinfulness, our inability to "make it" on our own. And maybe, just maybe, we'll even learn this for real... even when we're going through the good times. After all, that is the message of the gospel.

So I go into 2012 praying for fun and laughter and time spent enjoying all of God's blessings, but also praying for joy in whatever comes our way...

I know there'll be days when life brings me pain

but if that's what it takes to praise you

Jesus, bring the rain.

-Mercy Me

Immanuel... God With Us

Advent: God With Us from The Village Church on Vimeo.

Advent means "coming." Christ is coming! During this Advent season we anxiously await his second coming while reflecting on His first coming. We have SO much to be thankful for! As Matt Chandler says, the tricky part is keeping our focus on the "Substance and not the shadows" during this Christmas season. Christ is the substance. He came already and will come again. He is our King. He is our God. He came as fully man and fully God. He is our High Priest. Our Savior. Our Counselor. Our All in All. He is the Holy One. He is the substance.

The gifts and the family time and the wonderful food and the shopping and the Christmas parties and the cookies and the crafts and the Christmas cards are the shadows. They are shadows of Him. They are meant to point us to Him and to draw us to our knees in worship of Him. They are good and they are fun and they are enjoyable, but they are not the ultimate Substance of this season. We know that only the Substance satisfies. If we focus on the true Substance of this season, that is Christ, we are not disappointed, we are not let down, and we rejoice in His beautiful news.

May you and yours be blessed by the presence of the true and everlasting Substance this Christmas season!

Immanuel... God with us!

(Check out this Advent Guide from The Village Church for more resources on how to focus on HIM this season: http://www.thevillagechurch.net/mediafiles/advent-guide.pdf)

Have I mentioned...

... how much I love this ministry? THANK YOU to everyone who makes it possible!

Tiny Prints, Oh Tiny Prints!

Oh Tiny Prints... you and I actually have a very special relationship, although you may not know it. I remember back in 2006 I was searching online for the perfect Christmas card. I just did a general Google search and happened to come across Tiny Prints. No offense, but at the time you were not nearly as big as you are now and I had never heard of you. I definitely liked what I saw though and was surprised I had never seen your cards before. I uploaded a picture of Jeff and I with sledgehammers in our very first home that was very under construction. The caption read, "Merry Christmas... from our "home" to yours." Ha... I know, I was pretty funny back in the day. If I were at home I would scan it in for all to see, but maybe in another post. :)

Anyway, this year I was looking through Tiny Prints web site and found LOTS of cute cards! I think I have like 20 saved in my favorites... how ever will I choose?

Of course, I always face the dilemma of how many pictures to use. My general rule is that if I have one picture I love then I will use it, but I usually can't decide and have to make Jeff decide for me. The more I look at something the less I can tell if I like it or not! Last year I didn't plan ahead so I just used several pictures on a collage.

If you know me, you know that I love color. I always have and I hope I always will. So naturally several of my favorite cards include some fun colors...

This one would be fun if I can find one great picture...

And these tri-fold cards are super cute...

And of course this one is totally my style...

I love that Tiny Prints has matching return address labels as well! They are super cute!

We always love to display our Christmas cards all over our french doors. I like to be able to see each and every one of them throughout the season and think they make a fun decoration. :)

I also have a scrapbook that I keep all our family's Christmas cards in. I love seeing the cards beginning with our first year of marriage and continuing with our growing family. I know the scrapbook will hold many years of memories (and actually, it already does!)

Thanks, Tiny Prints for having such cute, fun, and COLORFUL Christmas cards. I can't wait to get mine ordered!

I'm Going to Miss This...

Whenever Grace and I are out and about, I almost always have someone say, "Cherish these moments, it goes by so fast." Or... "I just sent my daughter off to high school last week, I feel like she was just that age." I remember people telling me the same thing about my wedding... "soak up and enjoy every minute! It goes by so fast!" I actually remember taking a moment at our reception and trying to "soak it up," whatever that really means. But I did it, gosh darn it!

I think sometimes when we hear things like this we think they sound cliche and we don't really pay attention to them. I almost stop myself from saying similar things to other people because I feel like they've been said before. But there's a reason they are said so often... by every parent... ever.

It's because they are true.

And because when we look back, if we're totally honest, we probably realize that we didn't really cherish every moment. So we tell others to cherish every moment. Because we know that the tantrums in the grocery store are maddening at the time, but later we learn to value the time at the grocery store with our little buddies because there will be a day when they are grown up, in school, and we are at the grocery store by ourselves. I will miss my little grocery store buddy, tantrums and all.

I actually happen to be super sentimental. You may or may not believe me based on all the crazy mom-moments I like to share. But actually, sharing those crazy moments helps me to put them in perspective and realize it's not the end of the world when I have a bad day and want to pull out every hair on my head. I don't think cherishing your children's lives always means acting like everything is perfect. Because clearly, everything is not.

But some moments truly feel that way to me. Some moments just feel absolutely perfect.

I feel like it's the most simple moments that make me a little weepy. Sometimes I feel like I kind of remove myself from the room and am just taking a mental video of the moment... and then I cry like a baby. (Or just tear up a lot, ok, so I'm sentimental and I like to exaggerate a little).

A few weekends ago we were at the Gin in Belton (probably my favorite place in Central Texas) listening to live music. We had just eaten dinner and gone down to the river to feed some ducks. I think this was the first time Grace had fed ducks and it was actually kind of sentimental to me. I have lots of memories of feeding ducks when I was younger (one included my dad drop-kicking a goose that bit me on the shin)! Can't forget that one!

I don't know what it is, there is just something so sweet and simple about a little toddler feeding a duck. (Am I crazy or is this true?) I think I just love how exciting and new it is to her. I mean, it's a duck. But to her IT'S A DUCK!! I just love living life through the lens of a toddler.

After feeding ducks, we went up to listen to some live music. I love music. And dancing, if you don't already know. :) There weren't too many people there yet and Jeff and Grace were kind of dancing on the sidewalk while we ate our yogurt. (Ok, Grace was dancing and Jeff was kind of standing there like the "cool dad" that he is.) Then the sweet man played "Daughters" by John Mayer. Now, I am not a huge John Mayer fan, but I really like the way this man plays everything. And I'm like 95% sure he played it just for us. It was like they were in a movie with a soundtrack playing in the background. It was so sweet. The chorus goes like this...

"Fathers be good to your daughters

Daughters will love like you do

Girls become lovers who turn into mothers

So mothers be good to your daughters too"

Unfortunately I didn't get the best part on video, but I still think it's sweet. Even though they aren't dancing, they are just living life... picking plants, Grace running away from Daddy, Daddy disciplining, Grace screaming for ducks. Nothing gets me choked up more than daddies and daughters... especially Daddies and daughters to a soundtrack...

If you've been a mom more than .05 seconds, you know it goes by too fast, and you know you're going to miss this stage, whatever it might be. Our children will not always be fascinated by ducks, so let's cherish the moments that they are. You've also probably come to realize that this childhood thing is not really about the big vacations or the important milestones or the fancy birthday parties.

It's about feeding ducks and eating yogurt and dancing with your daddy.

Preach It, Girl

Ok... I didn't realize until recently that people were still unable to comment on this blog. So... I looked into our issues and the problem is officially fixed. Yay! Apparently the comment settings were only allowing registered users (whoever they are?) to comment. Ooops!

And what does the title of this post have to do with that? Nothing. I couldn't just post a boring administrative message about comments and end it there, so I thought I would include one of my new favorite videos of Grace. (I know, I don't really like her being out in the public domain of the world wide web, but it's just a video, right?) :)

This is her reading a new children's Bible we bought her. I think she maybe got my overly passionate/opinionated theological genes. Preach it, girl! The Spirit is movin' in you!

Owned by a Toddler

Grace completely owned me today. Owned me, schooled me, had her way with me, beat me into a little pulp and went on with her pretty little day. In more ways than one. Seriously.

The day started with some good "clean" fun with a swiffer. (Yes, I went there with the "clean" joke). I bent down near her to do something and she accidentally jabbed the handle into my face. It actually really hurt so I reacted with a big "Owww!!" (First mistake). Well of course she thought me screaming "owww!!" was really funny so she immediately jabbed the stinkin' handle right back at me for another reaction... only this time right into my eye. I was about to cry from the pain. No signs of a black eye yet, but one definitely might be coming.

Any day that begins with a swiffer handle in your eye can only get better, right? Or so I thought. (2nd mistake)

Then we were off to a play date at a splash pad/park in Belton that we had never been to before. When we pulled up I thought it looked amazing, and it was actually. But all Grace wanted to do was climb up a really tall slide and then slide back down. She was literally giving me a heart attack every time she got close to the top because, well... she has a little clumsiness in her genes and I could just picture her tumbling down the slide. (Or over the side of the slide or all of the above.)

We survived that (barely) but then we were at the splash pad and Grace wanders off behind me (heading to the playground I think) (3rd mistake) and when I turn my head to double check that that's where she was going, she was nowhere to be found. The street is super close to the park so I had a mini heart attack. I looked behind the bathrooms and didn't see her and I go into that crazy (but innate) panic mom mode. This is actually the first time in Grace's 19 months of life that I've ever had that "where is my child?" freak out. You try to keep the panic within and act calm, but then you realize that in numbers you have a greater chance of finding her, so you scream out (while trying not to sound too crazy) "where on earth is my child!!! Oh my gosh, does anyone see her???" (To my defense, there is a huge part of the street that you can't see because of the bathrooms so I was worried she was in the street. Why I didn't run back there, I'm not sure. Screaming seemed like the better option in the moment). Right as her mother was going into cardiac arrest, Grace casually struts her stuff right on out of the women's bathroom. Ha. Owned that mom of mine again.

We left to go eat lunch (not without a few more minor incidents) at Bodega Bean, a cute little coffee/sandwich shop. It's not really set up for kids, it's more for lounging, so the girls got to sit in big girl chairs. This is never good for us. Grace was eating a big cup of fruit and kept dropping some on the ground, getting out of her chair and trying to eat it. Each germ-ridden piece of fruit that I tried to get to would result in a scream/meltdown/kicking fest. Pretty sure she ate a piece or two off the ground. Towards the end of lunch she was behaving pretty well so I was caught up in conversation a little bit, until an older lady sitting next to us came right over to our table, picked up Grace's cup of fruit which was 2 inches from my foot and told me that all the fruit had spilled to the ground and she had been eating it. Thank you, sweet woman, for obviously caring more for my child than I did in the moment. Along with my heart of gratitude, was sheer embarrassment for being that mom that someone has to "lend a hand to" because they have no clue what is going on with their child. Yeah... I've totally judged these kinds of moms before. (And I'm totally getting another lesson on humility... which pretty much happens daily around here now).

I think as moms we can't help but to base our level of "success" as a mom on our child's behavior (and on our own behavior in response to them). If Johnny is a good boy, then he must have a great mom. I am not going to lie, I definitely had a couple of those "what am I doing wrong?" thoughts today. (Grace- this is totally not offensive towards you- I'm pretty sure you are just a normal toddler and your mom is just a first time mom and doesn't know anything).

I started reading a new book recently called "Show them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus." I love the message of the book, which is basically that we have changed the story of the Bible, which is a story of grace, into a book of rules and moralistic teachings. We use the Bible to tell our kids how they should behave instead of allowing it to point to the grace that our Heavenly Father has bestowed upon us.

Obviously God lays out desirable behaviors for us in His word, but this is not its primary message. Instead of using the Bible to tell our children what they should be doing, we need to make these stories about remembering. Remembering the work of Christ and not focusing on the work of our children (or ourselves).

"The good news about Jesus's obedience and shameful death is the only motif that will grant our children a heart to obey."

Obedience comes from a changed heart. The longer we try to turn our children into behaving robots (or become behaving robots ourselves) the further we are pushing ourselves away from the true message of the Gospel.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that I'm preaching this message because I obviously did not have a "behaving robot" on my hands today and I'm trying to make myself feel better. Ha... ok, maybe a little bit. But really, I'm trying to remind myself of these truths.

I am not valued by my behavior, by my success as a mother or by my ability to keep it all together while in public with a toddler that is owning me... over and over and over.

And I will not teach my children that their value comes from their behaviors either. But obviously, "behaving" on and adult level and a toddler level are important as well. I just don't know what else to say about that, but I'll let you know when I figure it all out.

But for now, I think I'll strut around town with my black eye, bragging about the fact that neither myself nor my child are behaving robots, thank ya very much!